Jay & Marc (Part 4)

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I walked over to Marc and Derek. Goddamn Derek. I still couldn't figure out what Marc liked about him. They'd been hanging around so much, that even at school the three of us had started to spend a lot of time together. It made it impossible to really talk to Marc any more. Derek hated it when I went on about books or games, and Marc would stay annoyingly silent, even if it was something he'd told me he'd liked when we were alone.

'Aggressively stupid' was the only way I could describe Derek's personality. I'd never met someone who hated to learn the smallest fact, yet always had opinions on everything - even when he didn't know what the hell was going on. And god forbid you use a word longer than two syllables around him - he'd get confused, and somehow that would be your problem.

But even that might have been a bit more tolerable, if he wasn't so damn negative all the time. I thought the saying 'ignorance is bliss' probably had some bearing, before I met Derek. But he was living proof that no matter how much of the former you had, you could still completely skip out on the latter. I hadn't asked him about it yet, but I had no idea what Marc could possibly like about the guy.

"I've got to go piss." Derek said, pushing himself off the wall.

"So... are you doing anything this weekend?" I asked Marc, once Derek was out of earshot.

"Uh, yeah." He looked down. "Kind of heading out water-skiing with Derek. Sorry dude, I'm sure he would have invited you, but it's like... with his family and stuff, and I think there's only so much space in the car. You know."

"Yeah, sure." I tried to act nonchalant. I didn't want to go anywhere with Derek's family, anyway - his older brother was just as annoying as he was. But trust him to find a way to exclude me from stuff. Asshole. "Maybe next weekend then."

Marc perked up. "Did you want to do movies and games and stuff?" 

"Yeah." I smiled.

"Cool. We could do that. You should ask Derek if he wants to join."

I felt like I deserved an Oscar for not letting it show just how much I didn't want to do that. "Sure."

"Derek totally thinks Tess D. was flirting with me at that party we went to last night, by the way."

"Huh. Cool." That would have gotten an Oscar, too. 

What Derek thought and who Tess flirted with. Those were two items that could be written on a list of things I didn't give a shit about. In big, bold letters. Did Marc actually think that was interesting? Tess Dietrich dated a different guy pretty much every other week, but unlike some other girls, she still hadn't moved on from the hand holding thing. Even if Marc asked her out - what did he think they'd even do?

I mean, the whole thing was starting to annoy me. Why were all my friends so girl-crazy, all of a sudden? Logan had always been a bit over the top with it, back when he still came here, but now every guy I hung out with was like that. Marc, Derek, Jason H., Leighton, Kyle - they spent almost every waking minute gossiping about who was hooking up with who, and who liked who.

It was so boring. Why was I the only one who saw that? I mean, sure, I guess if you were one of the people hooking up maybe that was slightly more interesting. And actually hooking up. Not holding Tess D's hand like a lost child. 

But to just sit around all day, endlessly discussing the possibilities and politics of it. I seriously couldn't bring myself to care. And I was annoyed at how obsessed Marc got over it, too. Of all the people I hung out with, I kind of thought he'd feel the same way about it.

Every time he talked about stuff like that - particularly when he talked about his own chance with a girl - I got so fucking annoyed. I'd mentioned it to him before, how I felt it was kind of pathetic and boring to talk about it. He'd looked kind of hurt and embarrassed after I did though, so I'd backpedalled pretty quickly. He wouldn't usually mention it to me, probably because of that. But after he'd been spending a lot of time with Derek, it tended to come up a lot anyway.

"Okay, I'm heading home. Marc, you want a lift? I've got the spare helmet here." Derek's parents had gotten him a motorcycle when he'd turned sixteen. His learners license for it didn't technically allow him to have passengers, but he took his chances and gave rides to his friends. I'd never been offered a ride, of course. I wouldn't have said yes if I had been, anyway.

"Yeah, sure." Marc turned to face me. "See you, Jay."

"Bye." I grinned. "Bye Derek."

He didn't say anything, just gave me a douchey upwards tilt of his chin. Dick. I felt my stomach sink as the two of them walked away from me. 

I definitely didn't give a crap if Derek liked me. The idea of hanging out with him annoyed the crap out of me. I had such a good time when it was just me and Marc that adding anyone else to the mix was a disaster. Especially Derek, but it's not like Marc and I had a lot of intelligent friends. 

Even Kyle, who was probably one of the few people we hung out with who I really got along with, tended to dumb down the conversation and make it awkward. Marc and I just had so much fun together, and it felt like we could just really talk about real things when no one else was around.

My mom picked me up, but luckily it wasn't just us. The twins were in their matching car-seats in the back, and making lots of noise. It covered up how quiet I was being, which is usually how my mom detects I'm in a mood. I didn't really feel like talking, I just sat there checking my phone, seeing if Marc had messaged me. 

He hadn't, of course, and still hadn't even after I'd been at home a couple of hours. He normally didn't talk to me much when he was hanging out with Derek, which I guessed was what was happening. Just thinking about it pissed me off.

I didn't know why I always felt that way. Maybe it was how you were supposed to feel with friends. It's not exactly like people - especially guys - talk about that sort of thing. Ever. Your friends were just the people you spent most of your time with. You just hung out with them, and that was that. No biggie.

No one seemed to go on about how you were happy whenever you saw them. Or sad when they couldn't or wouldn't talk to you. No one talked about how great it felt when it was just the two of you alone, and you could just talk about the shows and games you loved, and watch him smirk when you made a clever observation about something that you'd specifically tried to remember, because you thought he'd smirk like that, and you wanted to see it.

It was like no one ever really had their moods sent up and down in these crazy tidal waves just by the way their friend - best friend, maybe - acted around them. Like no one ever felt like the happiest person alive after a great day together, or like the saddest when you thought they were snubbing you or didn't want to see you. No one ever said that about friends. I'd only ever heard people saying that about...

People they had a crush on.

Fuck.