The Lessons of Young Bradley

I looked back (and didn't even turn into a pillar of salt!)

I'm not sure where to start. I don't have Young Bradley's confidence - which is fair, since I don't think Young Bradley had Young Bradley's confidence. It was clearly on loan, courtesy of teenage hormones, gay angst and the false bravado of internet anonymity. Old Bradley is a lot more honest - which is quite strange, since I write a lot more fiction now.

When a reader first reminded me about the existence of this blog a couple of months ago - a shocking revelation that I have yet to recover from - I thought, maybe, there could be some lessons to be gleaned from my younger self. That was, until I started reading the drivel that was on that blog.

I know, I know - I should be nicer to myself. Even to my younger self, whom I feel completely disconnected from these days. I've been very active (and prominent) in a writing community this year, and I've interacted with a lot of teenagers this year. 

I've met some great ones, and some not-so-great ones, but what they've all shared is lying somewhere on the spectrum of incomprehensibility. I thought it was a Gen Z thing, but after seeing some of my blog posts, I feel like it's safe to say that it's not - it happens to us all.

Young Bradley was passionate though, and honest about his feelings. Some of the timeline stuff is a bit hinky - I may have detailed a crush that had happened a year or two earlier as if it was happening right then - and some things I just wasn't talking about there, even though they were consuming my mind at the time. But for the most part, it was at least very sincere. (Maybe too sincere, in a way that made me feel I wasn't such a nice person back then.)

You'll notice I'm talking about him in the third person. It's kind of the only way I can see it now. I've had a lot of life in the last 10 years, and I really feel like I've changed a lot. I'd hate to go back. Old Bradley (this third person thing might be getting out of hand) is definitely equal to a lot more challenges. I've sort of had to be.

But there are hints of me in there. Some of them are great, like the way I felt about 'X' (ah, such a clever codename!) and my annoyingly bubbly excitement over some things. (Which has never gone away.) One of them's a little heartbreaking, because I talked about how I felt I had to choose between a degree that I'd find fun, like English Literature, or something practical and mathsy. I chose the latter. 

I don't entertain regrets - it's not a particularly useful activity - but seeing that... It had an effect. 

The last post, though - the one from 2012 - started to really feel like me. I was still fudging the timeline, for whatever reason - blocking things out I didn't want to think about, probably. But it still sounds like me, way more than the older posts ever did.

And the best thing about that post is that I talked about finding the guy of my dreams. And - 10 years later - we're still together. I haven't planned this timing, at all - aside from only wanting to get this particular post out after Chapter 12 had been released, and wanting to do it on a Wednesday. So it's kind of a coincidence that the dates line up so well.

BUT... Depending on who we're willing to admit what to, this is kind of an anniversary for us. Although our official one is on the 1st of October, since that marks our first official date. With a slight guess informed by how gay males usually interact with each other, you can probably guess what we're celebrating today. 

You are sworn to secrecy though. (Please don't tell my mother.) But yeah, Friday is the day we're going to be having sparkling wine (I'm not allowed to call it Champagne unless it's from the Champagne region of France) and being unashamedly annoying about our love. So doesn't that line up well?

Anyway, lest I ramble with this, I guess I should just wrap it up. I have not learned anything from Young Bradley. Maybe it was unfair of me to expect to - I've got a good memory, and I really hope if I pick up a good life lesson, I'll be able to retain that. That does seem to have been the case, as it turns out. 

But it's been nice to look back, and see all the ways in which I've changed. In writing, when you look back and see how bad your old work was, the silver lining there is that it means that your skills have improved. I don't know if I quite feel qualified to make this judgement, but I like to think it's probably a good sign that Young Bradley annoyed me so much.

It means I'm much happier with the person I am now.

(If you would like to be taken to the paired post that I have put up on my old blog - which covers the topic slightly differently - please click on this grainy, over-edited photo that I have salvaged from my past.)